This is not a good time for me. I am feeling so faithless, hopeless and caught in a life crash. I know it is a reflection of the greater difficulties in the world that I can't find a decent job, but I also know that I made the choice to be where I am. A bad combination of bad decisions and bad times. I see nothing ahead of me, and I can't stay here. As my sister said "If you don't belong here, then where DO you belong?" Well, I'm not certain of anything except that I just want this life to be over. My inward search for the right thing to do has only resulted in bad choices. Listening to my intuition has caused damage for my Delaware family and my Rhode Island family. Listening to my head has gotten me nowhere. Listening to my heart just makes me sad for everything I left behind. I can't help but think that the decision I made a year ago to quit my job to take care of my mother was a bad one that started this chain of events. Why did I think that doing something good for someone at the expense of others would encourage more good to come my way? Was it an ego thing instead of a heart thing? I guess good doesn't happen in the world if you haven't earned it in the right way. I guess I haven't earned anything but heartache and hopelessness. I am wreckage from the crash.
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