Saturday, March 01, 2008

How Many Times Can One Heart Break?

Ariel just called me to tell me that Nemo died today. He was my soul mate dog. He was almost 14 years old and I knew his time would come this year. That is why I brought him to Rhode Island with me. But that was a decision for me, not for him. It didn't work out well for him. When I brought him home to Delaware, I told him I'd always be with him. Cried and cried, hugged and hugged. I knew he would be happier there and that is where he belonged. He had people and cats there that loved him as much as I did. He loved standing in the cold wind. He loved the snow and nuzzled in it and rolled around and leaped like a dolphin when it was deep. He loved playing with the ferrets. He loved eating cat food. He loved Christmas day and was there laying down in the midde of everything, waiting to open his presents too. He loved going to PetSmart to look around and pick out treats and toys and meet other dogs. He really didn't like other dogs. He was an only dog. He thought he was a lap dog even though he weighed 53 pounds. He loved to scrunch in the middle of people sitting on the couch. He loved riding in the car with his head out the window and the wind in his face. He was cuddly like a small bear. He often slept on the bed with me, with his head on the pillow. I will miss hugging him. He will always be in that place in my heart along with others that I love and miss. I am happy that all dogs go to heaven but I am sad and feeling broken hearted.

Friday, February 29, 2008

Obama Phone Calls Tomorrow and Sunday!

As part of my new get up and get out strategy of relocating to RI, I am making phone calls tomorrow and Sunday morning at the local Obama Headquarters! I missed the deadline to vote in the primary here on Tuesday, so I can make an impact by making calls. Not willing to do the door to door canvassing thing - leave that for the 20 somethings. Rhode Island counts!!!! I am certain I will meet some interesting people, and perhaps create a new network for my job hunt. Cool. I will report in tomorrow night :-).

Monday, February 25, 2008


This is not a good time for me. I am feeling so faithless, hopeless and caught in a life crash. I know it is a reflection of the greater difficulties in the world that I can't find a decent job, but I also know that I made the choice to be where I am. A bad combination of bad decisions and bad times. I see nothing ahead of me, and I can't stay here. As my sister said "If you don't belong here, then where DO you belong?" Well, I'm not certain of anything except that I just want this life to be over. My inward search for the right thing to do has only resulted in bad choices. Listening to my intuition has caused damage for my Delaware family and my Rhode Island family. Listening to my head has gotten me nowhere. Listening to my heart just makes me sad for everything I left behind. I can't help but think that the decision I made a year ago to quit my job to take care of my mother was a bad one that started this chain of events. Why did I think that doing something good for someone at the expense of others would encourage more good to come my way? Was it an ego thing instead of a heart thing? I guess good doesn't happen in the world if you haven't earned it in the right way. I guess I haven't earned anything but heartache and hopelessness. I am wreckage from the crash.