Friday, July 02, 2010

Tiime For An Update

So, Ariel has taken a fabulous new job in Rhode Island, and will be moving away in mid-July. This is a landmark moment for me. I am so proud of her, and extremely happy for her and the job she has been working towards. But I will be sad that she won't be dropping in for dinner anymore, or going shopping with me, or just being part of my daily life. I am also happy that she has friends and family there, and the support when she needs it.The tides are turning, and it is time for different things. It is time to get Dane into college and help him launch his life now. It is time for me to find something to occupy my time outside the house. I would certainly work if I could find a job, but perhaps I will find a place to volunteer. I'm thinking the local humane society.

My garden is thriving. Tomatoes, cucumbers, yellow squash, oregano, parsley, cilantro and pumpkins. It keeps me busy each day, and I have an assortment of flowers to cut. I always feel rich, safe and blessed when I place a vase of flowers on the table.

I made it through another deep depression. I felt so paralyzed. Fed up with the concept of job hunting and competing with a younger world. I did a lot of sleeping. I did an art show in the middle of it, and I just wasn't there with it. Sometimes I think my days of making art are over. Other days I think I should be filling my time making art. It's a struggle. Always has been. So many friends have told me I should go back to school. This thought also paralyzes me. Aside from the frightening thought of more debt, I shudder to think how hard it could be trying to find a job four years from now. By the time I finish a bachelors degree, I will need a masters degree. I guess I should explore more about why this paralyzes me.

There is a reason for everything. Sometimes we never understand the reasons things happen. Sometimes we do. In this case, about this point in my life with no job anchor, I shall keep trying.