As you know, I have been struggling over the state of affairs within the household . . and thinking of my new job opportunities as a way out. Thinking that I can't deal with Bob's depression anothr day. But things happen. Yesterday, Ariel was so sick with a fever and stomach issues - probably a reaction to the eye drops at the Dr.'s office. There I was, worried and taking care of her, being Mom. No one else was there to deliver cool washcloths, crackers, ginger ale and backrubs. A most important job opportunity. I have been struggling with this whole life mess, wanting to go away. I've done it before, and it was the wrong thing to do. The kids were still young and needed me. I know Bob doesn't, but my children are my children, no matter how old they are. What if I hadn't been here?
Then the following daily horoscope appeared . . . and of course made me ask if my pursuit of a career job in another state is really how I want to "present myself to the world." At the core: the everyday actions (my segregation from family/household/Bob). The truth: my part as Mom/caring person in the household needs to be as important as my carer pursuit. Maybe it's not time to move away. . . maybe I'm no closer to knowing what I should be doing . . . maybe the daily horoscope is just confusing me. It said "Your most intimate partner and your most feared enemy can both be an honest reflection of who you are. This may not concern any single specific issue, but could rather be about how you present yourself to the outer world through your everyday actions. Be as open to the truth as you can, for the clarity you gain can be crucial to what you do next." So, who is it that will deliver the truth? My kids? A job recruiter? A fortune cookie?