Wednesday, December 31, 2008
It's New Year's Eve and the snow is piling up - ten inches and still falling. I took the time to get to the market yesterday to pick up my "I eat this once a year" food before I head back to the gym and salads next week. Easy Cheese, Triscuits and Wheat Thins with a side of Captain Morgan and Coke . . . it's my party! Life should be as easy as spray cheese . . . I will watch Rachel Maddow and groove on the possibilities of the new year ahead. Here's wishing you a serene closing to 2008. Wake up tomorrow in 2009 with a new glow of hope for things to come!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Jeeeezzz . . . Doors closed, windows opened, new paths, endings, beginnings, changes, highs, lows. The past year felt like I was in some kind of crazy fun house maze thing. Both of my part time jobs are winding down with no hours. So, let's begin again, shall we? But I have skills, right?? Fitting my square skills into round holes is the new challenge. Wait . . . way too many metaphors here. I will just say that 2009 has got to be an improved year over 2008. Farewell 2008 - Hooray for 2009!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
I am stronger everyday. Thanks Special K! I'm not sure that is really happening, but I will keep trying. I haven't been writing, I think, because the information about my daily life passes so quickly by me and through me that I lose it all by the time I sit down at the screen at night. It is time to start carrying a sketch pad again. It is time to start doing a lot of things again.
Christmas nearly killed me. It was devastating not to be with Ariel and Dane and Bob and the house. It was all I had known for 30 years. I think I cried every day in December. I had to change the radio station in my car from Christmas Carols - and then of course I'd change it back. I feel so brokenhearted - and I did it to myself.
I took my mother (flew, thank God) to my sister Tracy's house in Alexandria, VA for Christmas because I knew I didn't want to be here in the house of chaos. So, I hauled the oxygen and the oxygen bag of various cords, the cane and the suitcase and her winter coat and then the wheelchair at the airport. In the back of my twisted little mind I keep thinking I might earn cosmic credit for doing these things for my ailing mother. So far, I can't say my cosmic bank account is showing any gain. Anyway, it was wonderful to be at my millionaire sister's house and hang out in a fabulous kitchen and ride in a mercedes station wagon for a few days. We stayed in a hotel and the kinks that went with that are too enormous to even mention. However, I survived it.
I'm back to face myself again. Fewer hours at my day job and more work for the same pay at the fundraising job to fulfill the contract. . . I am not happy with the decisions I made and the life I ended up with. I can't seem to get myself and my desires and my surroundings into alignment. So, I will work on that. For now, I am still grateful that I am not living in my car.