Second String

Applied yesterday at Village Green for a temp holiday decorating program associate staff gig. Too late. Already hired what he needs, but will put me in the pool of second string in case the first string develops a gap. There's some holiday irony for you - being in the second string of holiday lights . . . ! My bad - as it took me two weeks to decide to apply. Perhaps I was internally full of angst about possibly having to lift a 50 pound box of glass ornaments . . . anyway, onward and upward.

Looking ahead, this could be the most dismal and depressing holday season our family has ever had. I feel like the little match girl on a Dickensian corner.

The Next Step

Just about ready to take that next step away from the crossroads I've been stuck at, taking stock in the future of my career and family. I decided to go ahead and apply for 2 positions: Deputy Director of Education at the Baltimore Museum of Art, and the Executive Director at the Kalmar Nyckel Foundation. In a way, I feel like this is my last attempt to acquire another permanent full time with benefits job in the arts. This makes me sad, and my heart is aching for the way things are these days. At 48, I am aging out of the arts job market quickly. And withoug an advanced degree, I can barely compete with young graduates who know nothing but will work for a salary in the low 20s to get their foot into the field. Then there is the War. Lack of good, long term blue collar jobs, not enough money to feed and house families, women having babies for the wrong reasons . . . the fabric of society is just about torn apart. Who needs the arts any more when there is so much else to occupy daily survival? Yet, the people who do make the arts part of their lives are so much, well, nicer and smarter people. The financial barriers to making the arts part of daily life are astounding to me. The cost of a ticket to the theatre, dance lessons for kids, admission to a concert . . . it is indeed a certain segment that can afford it. I am no longer one of them, which is very sad. However, I predict a turn around coming: one of the only ways to attract a wider audience these days - make it free. Baltimore Museum of Art just made admission free after many years. The Delaware Art Museum was a more active honest place when admission was free. But unless funders fall in line with the concept of arts for as many people as possible, free doesn't seem viable. More on funding another time.

In the meantime, I am applying for a seasonal temporary position with a holiday decorating company. It will probably pay $8 an hour, but we need the money to prevent crash and burn. I can't help but keep coming back to the fact that being hacked from the staff at the Delaware Art Museum in 2004 is the cause of my feeling paralyzed and worthless. It changed my life drastically, at all levels. God, life can be ugly. Maybe all the sparkling lights will help me rise above the sadness.

A Wish

I wish I was a millionaire so I could make sizeable contributions to arts organizations' general operating funds. There is so much need. CCAC's building is a good example. It is such an active place, and so used. It is obvious they don't have funding to keep it up: painted, cleaned, etc. The arts environment is so important. Along with this is the quality of materials used in education programs. It is so sad to see an arts organization not be able to use color in their materials, or to have to scrimp on something that is core to what you do. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I do suspect I will not be reimbursed for the color copies I made for my teacher training last week. I will submit my receipts and ask for half reimbursement, and see what happens. We meet tomorrow to do the debriefing of the two-day training, and plan for the next one in November. Hope to hear about some mentoring dates too.