Friday, February 26, 2010

Mentally Homeless

Not really. In searching domain names for a potential website, I started typing random words. I discovered that is available. . . .now, that has possibilities, doesn't it? What I am actually working on is a website where I can sell my art. But, I won't do anything until I talk to my friend Jim, who offered to guide me through the process. Maybe I don't really need one. Maybe I should just go to and do it there. That's what Valerie suggested. Two years ago. Did I do it yet?? Ummmm, no. What am I waiting for? This opens up the conversation about fear of success. Inability to produce. That's what happened with the little business Christal and I set up = The Bag Ladies. We did shopping bags made from recycled T-shirts and they were awesome. We sold a ton of them at the few art fests we did. What did I do about this? I freaked out internally because I couldn't imagine myself cutting and decorating T-shirt bags for the rest of my life if we were successful. Christal mentioned to me on the phone today how sad she was that we let it go. This was almost two years ago and we were ahead of the curve. Recycled shopping bags were just becoming a thing. God, I hate myself sometimes.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I Miss Nemo

It's hard to believe it has been three years since Nemo left us peacefully in his sleep. Maybe it is only two. I really miss having a dog in the house. The unconditional love and loyalty. The hug-ability. I am thinking about getting another dog, perhaps a little one that would be easy to snuggle with. Thinking about affording it. My goodness it astounds me how much money is a tool for living everyday life.

Time has taken on a weirdness to it recently. Having been inside the house for most of the time between December 7th and now, my connections with the outside world, people, places and time have faded. It scares me, and makes me think that I need to get up, out and moving towards something soon. Anything!

I will have to think about this, however, since I have just qualified for medicaid, food stamps and unemployment. This doesn't seem like much of an accomplishment until you take a measurement of the red tape it took to qualify. It makes me lean towards understanding why people want to stay in the system, and not look for a minimum wage job that would disqualify you from holding on to these benefits. Yikes. Listen to me. Yikes.