Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Back Into the World For a Moment

I had a job interview today at Jenny Craig. I'm still not entirely sure who Jenny Craig is/was, but now Queen Latifah is her good friend. So, aside from the fact that I'd make an excellent client, I could certainly be an excellent consultant too. I am working on migrating my non-profit world skills and abilities to the FOR-PROFIT world. It requires taking a few steps back to look at what I actually did all those years. Since I've never had an assistant or a secretary this translates to Expert at multiple computer programs as well as Guru of office machines. Ha! Yay! You get the idea. So - I will hear from them either way in a week or so. However, it was superb practice for more interviews and I personally think I kicked ass.

Nemo note: To date, he has been by my side day and night - car, bathroon, laundry, outside . . . everywhere. Today, I left him in the house - I went for the interview - and he did just fine. Helen gave him a treat, he relaxed on the couch, watched The Price is Right and waited for me to come back.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Landmark Moments

They say that there are 5-7 landmark moments in life. Each of us can recite them without thinking. They are moments that became the catalyst for a different life direction. Sometimes we created those moments by choice, sometimes they just happened.

My first one was the day I realized "this day, date and time will never happen again." I was 10 years old and messing around in the backyard, digging up the terrain around a huge pile of red ants who were gathered around some food thing on the concrete pad at the bottom of the drain spout. I always did my deepest thinking out in the yard. Looking at the sky, listening to the sounds of the neighborhood, digging, climbing the rocks or just walking around.

The second landmark was my dad passing away. The third was going away to college. The fourth was the birth of my daughter and the fifth, the birth of my son. Those were the cruising years - 27 years of doing the work of living and working and playing and sleeping. The sixth landmark was the cancer illness of my mother. That caused change in many directions, on many levels.

Friday may have been a new landmark moment. Pulling off the highway after the 9 hour trek with Nemo in his bed in the front seat and my things - all the important things that I could fit in the car and not taking so many other important things because it would hurt someone if they were gone - was like suddenly being part of the snap of a rubber band. I could literally feel it in my stomach, in my head, in the music and in the universe. I passed through the threshold of something I can't identify yet.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

The Leaving

I left a large part of my life behind on Friday. Have arrived at my new physical destination. But my emotional destination will be a long time coming. My daughter sent me an email with her honest feelings about my leaving. I knew it was coming, but it hit my heart so hard. The mistake I made was being honest with my kids (in their 20s) and offering too much information about what was going on. What I wanted to do with my life now was probably something I should have kept close to my own heart. Well, it wasn't going to be easy no matter what I did. And now life is a day at a time, a step at a time. Thank God for sisters who feel the connection - no matter what. I am part of a new household now, with the dogs, the jobs, the mother in law in residence, the chores, the 16 year old son skate boarding his way through high school . . . definitely a different way of life. I am here to face all my demons and grateful that I don't have to live in a women's shelter, or in my car. I am also grateful to have Nemo with me. Something that is directly mine to care for. Aaahhhhh, the reality is astounding. I will handle it.