Me and Fine Art America

Okay, so today I splurged with a bit of my tax return money that I finally got back after some minor brawling with IRS about owing them from last year. (I tried to pay it several times and it just didn't make it through the system.) Anyway, so here I am posting my artwork on a site that prints, frames, ships, processes payments, etc. Let's give it a go. Have everything to gain and just a few tuppence to lose. But they promised me I would sell stuff. Really! Okay! Ready, set, go.

http://roberta-adams.artistwebsites.com

Tiime For An Update

So, Ariel has taken a fabulous new job in Rhode Island, and will be moving away in mid-July. This is a landmark moment for me. I am so proud of her, and extremely happy for her and the job she has been working towards. But I will be sad that she won't be dropping in for dinner anymore, or going shopping with me, or just being part of my daily life. I am also happy that she has friends and family there, and the support when she needs it.The tides are turning, and it is time for different things. It is time to get Dane into college and help him launch his life now. It is time for me to find something to occupy my time outside the house. I would certainly work if I could find a job, but perhaps I will find a place to volunteer. I'm thinking the local humane society.

My garden is thriving. Tomatoes, cucumbers, yellow squash, oregano, parsley, cilantro and pumpkins. It keeps me busy each day, and I have an assortment of flowers to cut. I always feel rich, safe and blessed when I place a vase of flowers on the table.

I made it through another deep depression. I felt so paralyzed. Fed up with the concept of job hunting and competing with a younger world. I did a lot of sleeping. I did an art show in the middle of it, and I just wasn't there with it. Sometimes I think my days of making art are over. Other days I think I should be filling my time making art. It's a struggle. Always has been. So many friends have told me I should go back to school. This thought also paralyzes me. Aside from the frightening thought of more debt, I shudder to think how hard it could be trying to find a job four years from now. By the time I finish a bachelors degree, I will need a masters degree. I guess I should explore more about why this paralyzes me.

There is a reason for everything. Sometimes we never understand the reasons things happen. Sometimes we do. In this case, about this point in my life with no job anchor, I shall keep trying.

Crazy Dilemma # 2,357

Should I rev up my job search and risk losing food stamps ($200 a month) and medicaid (everything is 100% covered) and my tiny unemployment check so I can earn actual cash and help the household survive? If I get a job, I get cash flow, but I also risk not getting medical benefits at all. What a crazy world this is where it's actually more beneficial in many ways to be unemployed. . . Would someone please fix this? God, give me double wisdom, please.The right answer is, find a job - and fast. After all, I have been negligent in paying my share - the rent I agreed to pay when I moved back here. It's not fair to Bob and Dane. So, here I go. God, please give me double the amount of wisdom you usually give out at times like these.

Mentally Homeless

Not really. In searching domain names for a potential website, I started typing random words. I discovered that Homelessmentally.com is available. . . .now, that has possibilities, doesn't it? What I am actually working on is a website where I can sell my art. But, I won't do anything until I talk to my friend Jim, who offered to guide me through the process. Maybe I don't really need one. Maybe I should just go to Etsy.com and do it there. That's what Valerie suggested. Two years ago. Did I do it yet?? Ummmm, no. What am I waiting for? This opens up the conversation about fear of success. Inability to produce. That's what happened with the little business Christal and I set up = The Bag Ladies. We did shopping bags made from recycled T-shirts and they were awesome. We sold a ton of them at the few art fests we did. What did I do about this? I freaked out internally because I couldn't imagine myself cutting and decorating T-shirt bags for the rest of my life if we were successful. Christal mentioned to me on the phone today how sad she was that we let it go. This was almost two years ago and we were ahead of the curve. Recycled shopping bags were just becoming a thing. God, I hate myself sometimes.

I Miss Nemo

It's hard to believe it has been three years since Nemo left us peacefully in his sleep. Maybe it is only two. I really miss having a dog in the house. The unconditional love and loyalty. The hug-ability. I am thinking about getting another dog, perhaps a little one that would be easy to snuggle with. Thinking about affording it. My goodness it astounds me how much money is a tool for living everyday life.

Time has taken on a weirdness to it recently. Having been inside the house for most of the time between December 7th and now, my connections with the outside world, people, places and time have faded. It scares me, and makes me think that I need to get up, out and moving towards something soon. Anything!

I will have to think about this, however, since I have just qualified for medicaid, food stamps and unemployment. This doesn't seem like much of an accomplishment until you take a measurement of the red tape it took to qualify. It makes me lean towards understanding why people want to stay in the system, and not look for a minimum wage job that would disqualify you from holding on to these benefits. Yikes. Listen to me. Yikes.

I Need a Financial Miracle

I know God doesn't deal in used cars, new shoes that are the right size, plumbing, employment or bottomless coffee jars. And I know he isn't a bank. However, I need just one moment indicating financial recovery. My tax refund doesn't count. I shouldn't apologize for this, but I do believe in miracles.

What Now What Now What Now

So, do I need a permit to sell stuff on the streets of Wilmington? I have too many paintings hanging around, and would love to sell them off for about $25 each. I don't have enough pencils to sell, believe it or not. I can't afford a website domain or the cost of online credit card processing to sell paintings, and I doubt very much if that could be successful these days. Some kind of catchy name that says Art for $25 --- ??? I suppose I could do paypal when I finally get a domain. Money Stinks. I have spent so many years trying to make friends with it. I don't have a job, I haven't yet been approved for unemployment, job prospects are so weird. I'm not a nurse or a truck driver, so it is looking like a long, hard run. I am still so very angry at the Inn at Wilmington for terminating me for having hip surgery. I just don't understand how cruel people can be. I probably never will understand that. The good news is that my hip is recovering nicely and I am almost walking without a cane. Onward and upward.