Like The Cereal Box Says . . .

I am stronger everyday. Thanks Special K! I'm not sure that is really happening, but I will keep trying. I haven't been writing, I think, because the information about my daily life passes so quickly by me and through me that I lose it all by the time I sit down at the screen at night. It is time to start carrying a sketch pad again. It is time to start doing a lot of things again.

Christmas nearly killed me. It was devastating not to be with Ariel and Dane and Bob and the house. It was all I had known for 30 years. I think I cried every day in December. I had to change the radio station in my car from Christmas Carols - and then of course I'd change it back. I feel so brokenhearted - and I did it to myself.

I took my mother (flew, thank God) to my sister Tracy's house in Alexandria, VA for Christmas because I knew I didn't want to be here in the house of chaos. So, I hauled the oxygen and the oxygen bag of various cords, the cane and the suitcase and her winter coat and then the wheelchair at the airport. In the back of my twisted little mind I keep thinking I might earn cosmic credit for doing these things for my ailing mother. So far, I can't say my cosmic bank account is showing any gain. Anyway, it was wonderful to be at my millionaire sister's house and hang out in a fabulous kitchen and ride in a mercedes station wagon for a few days. We stayed in a hotel and the kinks that went with that are too enormous to even mention. However, I survived it.

I'm back to face myself again. Fewer hours at my day job and more work for the same pay at the fundraising job to fulfill the contract. . . I am not happy with the decisions I made and the life I ended up with. I can't seem to get myself and my desires and my surroundings into alignment. So, I will work on that. For now, I am still grateful that I am not living in my car.