Here's the update: I am still waiting for the third interview with WaterFire Providence. I am still living with my sister, (my mom's condo was sold) which is an emotionally toxic environment, but I have worked very hard to build relationships with everyone without the toxic spears getting through my "focus on self" forcefield . . . All the Eckhart Tolle reading I've been doing has done wonders for my ability to quiet all the negative chatter that was in my head all the time and understand that my identification with constant thoughts is so wrong. Ego thoughts can make me do crazy things. My friend Valerie has gifted me Nutrisystem and I have lost 5 pounds in the first week. I feel so much healthier already - though that may just be my enthusiasm talking. I started walking - just baby steps - but of course my sister outdoes me everytime by walking farther and eating what she thinks is healthier . . . but now I'm able to step back and let her ego do its thing. I am what I am in my heart and spirit and learning to do what I do on my own terms. I am surprised to discover how much like my mother she is in the world of being right and being "better than". I am seeing a counselor at the free clinic who is helping me get the focus back on me, to be gentle with myself after all I have been through, and learning to NOT work on pleasing others. It's been a long road just to get to the starting line . . . The last piece is money (and learning to face my horrible money issues) and a job, which is the tool I need to move forward. After all these years I was finally able to sit down and actually make a list of the things I want in life. That was very challenging. But I did it! I miss Ariel and Dane very much and talk to them every few days. Ariel is coming up to visit for Mothers Day weekend, and Dane said he might come with her. My goal is to have enough money for them to rent a truck to bring the rest of my stuff up here that Bob has packed up from the house, and send them back on the train. $1,000 for the one way truck, gas, one way train tickets and spending money. Money= Tool to move forward. Focus. Focus. Focus.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
An Update
Here's the update: I am still waiting for the third interview with WaterFire Providence. I am still living with my sister, (my mom's condo was sold) which is an emotionally toxic environment, but I have worked very hard to build relationships with everyone without the toxic spears getting through my "focus on self" forcefield . . . All the Eckhart Tolle reading I've been doing has done wonders for my ability to quiet all the negative chatter that was in my head all the time and understand that my identification with constant thoughts is so wrong. Ego thoughts can make me do crazy things. My friend Valerie has gifted me Nutrisystem and I have lost 5 pounds in the first week. I feel so much healthier already - though that may just be my enthusiasm talking. I started walking - just baby steps - but of course my sister outdoes me everytime by walking farther and eating what she thinks is healthier . . . but now I'm able to step back and let her ego do its thing. I am what I am in my heart and spirit and learning to do what I do on my own terms. I am surprised to discover how much like my mother she is in the world of being right and being "better than". I am seeing a counselor at the free clinic who is helping me get the focus back on me, to be gentle with myself after all I have been through, and learning to NOT work on pleasing others. It's been a long road just to get to the starting line . . . The last piece is money (and learning to face my horrible money issues) and a job, which is the tool I need to move forward. After all these years I was finally able to sit down and actually make a list of the things I want in life. That was very challenging. But I did it! I miss Ariel and Dane very much and talk to them every few days. Ariel is coming up to visit for Mothers Day weekend, and Dane said he might come with her. My goal is to have enough money for them to rent a truck to bring the rest of my stuff up here that Bob has packed up from the house, and send them back on the train. $1,000 for the one way truck, gas, one way train tickets and spending money. Money= Tool to move forward. Focus. Focus. Focus.
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Roberta,
ReplyDeleteYou are such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your journey. You still have a pair of earrings coming from me in DE.