Typos

Make me crazy. I will be better about proofreading from now on.

Local Sanctuary

I spent some time on Thursday meditating in the place I've gone to over the years when all was lost. There is a monastery nearby and I've always found the door open. It is small, quiet, very medieval feeling and extremely sacred and safe. I'm not sure monks live there anymore. They used to walk the neighborhood. One in particular used to wave at every car that went by him. Once I walked knocked on the door to the large stone house. No one answered but the door was open. I went in and turned right down the hallway. There was an office, and a beautiful library on the way to the chapel. I was looking for someone to talk to. No one seemed to be there. I spent time in the chapel, and on that day, went to visit the beehives they keep behind the house.

Anyway, I was seeking my last bit of strength to face the departure. I found it. Now my task is to talk with Dane and tell him. Then Bob. It's going to be a difficult but necessary course of events. I will leave for the final time. I can certainly come back to visit Ariel and Dane, but I can't think about that right now. For now, I go.

Men, Women and The Mirror

I have a theory about men, women and mirrors. I have this theory because I have recently spent time looking at myself in the mirror, asking myself what I really want at this new stage of my life. At first it was creepy to stare into my own eyes in the mirror and it took practice to stop looking away. I felt like I was looking at someone I didn't know. Surprise, surprise. My theory is about a delve into the inside, through your own eyes, and how men and women, approach it differently. I realize that many cultures already have this down but this is my world and I'm still working on things.

Men at the mirror are generally there each day shaving off the beard growth. Taking something off their face. I believe that men don't delve in too far while doing a quick shave. They are cleaning up, casting things aside, washing things away. In theory, starting the day with a clean slate. Bring it on. Hear my roar. Ready for any occasion. At the end of the day a man's face has collected beard growth, food, job dirt. Next shave, get rid of it all. Clean and ready again.

Women are at the mirror adding make up to their face. Covering up, balancing the colors, settng the boundaries. I believe women delve in very far, making a visual version of their inner goings on as they approach the day. Different make up for different occasions, work and leisure. At the end of the day a woman's make up has deteriorated reflecting the activities of the day. Job dirt on top of the make up, eye liner smudged from crying (maybe), color gone. At the end of the day the beauty has been worn away. Then, washed clean and ready for more additions the next day. Added again. And again. And again.

So - the questions are: Do women or men spend more time looking in the mirror to learn who they really are inside? Who learns more? Does one take more time than another on the inner investigation or the outer presentation? Are men or women more comfortable staring into their own eyes in a mirror? And my best idea? Set up a public Shaving/Make Up lab and do a time test.

So, try this: Look in the mirror at yourself and ask some questions. Start easy, such as Hey, what is your favorite ice cream flavor? Answer yourself. Move on to medium, such as Do you think you really need to get Starbucks coffee everyday? Answer yourself. And finally, hard, such as What and where do you want to be a year from now? Five years from now? Answer those too. Understandably, you may have to get back to yourself on that one.

I think this activity is profoundly therapeutic for anyone - at least once a week. Did I mention that I am all about a well-groomed man in a clean, white t-shirt?

New Doors Opening

It is early January, 2008 and the past year has been one of the most challenging times of my life. I spent a year taking care of my mom who went through cancer treatments and then a broken hip. I left my home, quit my teaching job and lived with her to provide daily care. It was a hard decision, yet I knew it was the right thing to do, and I also knew there would be life-changing consequences that I believed I could conquer as they occured. During her illness I painted for the first time in a long, long time. I painted in the middle of the night - part of my brain concentrated on the art, the other part constantly aware of mom sleeping, waking, getting sick and needing me by her side. Mom is back on her feet and my sister is on duty for the time being. Now, I am starting life over again. Seeking a new job, divorced, turned 50, needing a place to live, need an income. What life challenges were presented to me this year! So, 2008 is a new beginning in so many ways. I welcome the friendship and support the eons.com community is providing.. Thanks, for giving me this safe haven to explore. Peace.

The Warmly Lit Window in the Woods

I was on the back porch looking into the woods and I saw a warmly lit window. As I got closer the cottage looked like a memory I'd had once. The door opened and I was welcomed by a man and a woman - english gardener grandparents. The table was set for a pot roast dinner finishing up on the hearth. After pecan pie, I was tucked into a plump bed in a niche by the fireplace. This quilt-soaked feather bed was mine whenever I needed it. I fell asleep to the glow of the fire, music from the phonograph and the lingering scent of cinnamon.

So, that's where my heart is these days when I sit on th porch in the dark trying to make sense of my higher power and the lessons I am supposed to absorb. I want sanctuary so much. Only for a short time. Only long enough to snap out of this fear of my first step into another era of my life. I know the snap is coming soon. I don't feel prepared. My nerve endings remind me that I am so ridiculously grounded in a lack of resources that I am paralyzing myself and should be paying attention for signs of hope and abundance and be grateful at all times. Easy for YOU to say. . . So I should stop looking into the warmly lit windows, perhaps, and head for the open doors.

When Life Gives You A Kick

Don't pray for fewer problems; pray for more skills. Don't ask forsmaller challenges; ask for greater wisdom. Don't look for an easy wayout; look for the best possible outcome.When life gives you a kick, let it kick you forward.

From: YOUR LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEM, a free newslettersharing life, love and laughter, published by Steve Goodier.http://www.lifesupportsystem.com/

Ready To Make Sense of Things

It's been a long while since I've posted here. So many events and challenges. I will take the next few days to fill in the lost months. They have been filled with taking care of my mom in Rhode Island. Lots to explore. Stay tuned.