Countdown to Vegas!

In 48 hours I will be on the plane to Vegas! Just being in a warm place is very exciting for me. I am so tired of winter and cold. I wish I had a bunch of money to take with me, but such are the times we are in . . . no matter . . . there's tons of stuff to look at and take photos of and listen to and smell and touch (things, not other people) that I am certain I will end each day with sensory overload. Cool. I am ready. I am packed. Salon on Thursday for an Emergency Hair Repair (the blonde is too brassy in certain spots, and some of my roots are still showing, and it needs cutting) and I am good to go. Yay, Las Vegas.

I've Been Upgraded

I am now officially blonde.

I Am Shrinking!

When I can't reach things, I am reminded that I am short. I am getting shorter -- shrinking! I used to be 4' 10". Now I am 4" 9". This is weird, but normal, but also not helpful.

When I was a kid, I always dreamed about having a house that was proportionately built for me - small, with little counters and cabinets and stairs and all the things in it were proportionately small too - the dishes, the flower vases, the rugs . . . everything. I suspect it was from going to places like Storyland where the Gingerbread House or the Three Bears House was small and I fit so nicely. I still dream about having that little house. Well, anyway. I am shrinking.

I Miss My Dad

As part of my leaving, I decided to venture out today and visit my dad's gravesite at Riverside Cemetery. Since the gates are kept closed, I had called to make an appointment. I stopped at the caretaker's (Polly) house to pick up the map, and we ended up talking for an hour. She was wonderful. Fourth generation in the cemetery business, and in this incredible victorian house with amazing antiques.

She told me that there was still a $100 balance due - his gravesite was not yet paid for. I felt sick. And embarrased. I wrote her a check immediately and thanked her for not charging 37 years worth of interest. . . . There is also no gravestone. She gave me the application for the Veteran's Administration so I could have a marker made free-of-charge. The $100 fee to set it in place isn't due until the marker arrives at her office. It can take a year to get it.

So, I made my way through the tiny winding roads. Stopped to take some photos of a beautiful larger-than-life angel on someone's gravestone, and finally found the location of my dad. I knew there was no stone or marker, but Polly did tell me there was a boulder marking the site where he is, plus two others next to him that have been reserved, and she gave me the names on the boulders on either side of him on the map. It is a beautiful location on the top of a hill overlooking the Blackstone River. I remember that we rode in a huge black limo. It was a military funeral. Taps was played, the flag was folded (which my mother doesn't seem to have) and there were gun shots. I hadn't been back to his grave in 37 years because I couldn't find it and I was never in town long enough to connect with the cemetery folks.

So, how on earth could my mother in good conscience all these years leave that bill unpaid??? I am certain there is no good answer to that question. We (my sisters and I) understood that she was a grieving single mom and probably couldn't afford the gravestone. It never occured to us that we could have had it made. I guess we though it was something sacred she should do out of respect for him. That always made me sad. And today, finding out that his grave wasn't paid for in full makes me even sadder. But I paid it and I feel extraordinary about that. I love it when the pathway is so clear to "do the right thing." Anyway, it's done. Another check box on my "things to take care of in life" list filled in.

P.S. I wanted to bring something to put on his grave. I couldn't buy anything, so I left my Superman standing up in a little hole in the ice. My dad was superman to me, so this is fitting.

My Domain

I have my own domain name now! Robertaadams.com. How fun is that. It is under construction and will be launched in a week or so. The purpose is to display and sell my paintings and who knows what could happen. . . Stay tuned.

A Valentines Day Observation

I was in the store this morning, and waited on a student who wanted to ship a Valentines gift to his girlfriend in St. Maarten. While I was clicking things to get started, he was calling her to get her address. (Yes, really.) He wrote it down. I got to the part where I had to fill in her name, and he said "Anna." "Last name?" "I don't know how to spell it. It begins with an L. It's Russian." "Is she a new girlfriend?" "No, we've been together for three years and I gave her a promise ring." Without taking a moment to do an inner evaluation of what I was thinking, I said "If you love her you should know how to spell her last name!"

Come on, people . . . are you kidding me???

Yoga in the Wind

Tonight it is veeerrryyyy windy and 43 degrees. It feels like spring is starting to rumble. Thank you for that . . . I have been over my head in snow for the last few months and ready for warmth. All kinds of warmth, if you know what I mean. I've had a cold for several days and it is almost gone. I just stood outside on the deck to ingest the beautiful wind and let it carry the germs away. Yoga to open things up.

I love being outside at night. The stars, the wind, the sounds, the smells. At 3am it is most remarkable. I can feel the sun starting to rise and the morning beginning. Just standing out there and being a speck in the masterful universe gives me this crazy and amazing feeling of a connection to life that is way bigger than I am - but it is a safe connection. That feeling has kept me alive for the past 2 years. I know that I have a bizarre artist perspective on things, and I've been told I see and understand things that other people don't because of my artistic "vision." Maybe so - but I love standing in the wind looking at the stars. It gifts me with inspiration for paintings.

Bottom line: In this next chapter of my life I will be embracing my "vision" and my "passion."