My Domain

I have my own domain name now! Robertaadams.com. How fun is that. It is under construction and will be launched in a week or so. The purpose is to display and sell my paintings and who knows what could happen. . . Stay tuned.

A Valentines Day Observation

I was in the store this morning, and waited on a student who wanted to ship a Valentines gift to his girlfriend in St. Maarten. While I was clicking things to get started, he was calling her to get her address. (Yes, really.) He wrote it down. I got to the part where I had to fill in her name, and he said "Anna." "Last name?" "I don't know how to spell it. It begins with an L. It's Russian." "Is she a new girlfriend?" "No, we've been together for three years and I gave her a promise ring." Without taking a moment to do an inner evaluation of what I was thinking, I said "If you love her you should know how to spell her last name!"

Come on, people . . . are you kidding me???

Yoga in the Wind

Tonight it is veeerrryyyy windy and 43 degrees. It feels like spring is starting to rumble. Thank you for that . . . I have been over my head in snow for the last few months and ready for warmth. All kinds of warmth, if you know what I mean. I've had a cold for several days and it is almost gone. I just stood outside on the deck to ingest the beautiful wind and let it carry the germs away. Yoga to open things up.

I love being outside at night. The stars, the wind, the sounds, the smells. At 3am it is most remarkable. I can feel the sun starting to rise and the morning beginning. Just standing out there and being a speck in the masterful universe gives me this crazy and amazing feeling of a connection to life that is way bigger than I am - but it is a safe connection. That feeling has kept me alive for the past 2 years. I know that I have a bizarre artist perspective on things, and I've been told I see and understand things that other people don't because of my artistic "vision." Maybe so - but I love standing in the wind looking at the stars. It gifts me with inspiration for paintings.

Bottom line: In this next chapter of my life I will be embracing my "vision" and my "passion."

Did It.

Finally told my sister I was moving out. She cried, I cried. We talked about what I needed to do and I talked about what I was going to miss. We agree to have sister get away weekends a few times a year, and hope that our other sister will come too. Life is changing for everyone. My hope is rising again and this time I'm putting up a firewall. . .

The Doors of Wonderment

This afternoon I told my mother that I was moving back to Delaware, and gave her the basics. Was I surprised! She didn't even cry. I did. She said she knew 2 years ago that I might not be here permanently, and she definitely understood wanting to be near my kids. She thanked me for getting her through her cancer and other events and said she couldn't have done it without me. The doors of wonderment are opening . . .

An Interesting Week Ahead

Tomorrow I am going to see a Bankruptcy Lawyer for an evaluation. Then I have to find a way to tell my sister and my mother I am moving away -- back to Delaware. Then I have to ask my other sister to help me finance the move. This should be a fun and interesting week . . .

My Next Move

Well, I've spent a year applying to be a photo lab tech, a sub shop morning prep person, various administrative minions, and many other things. I have not been successful --- I think primarily because my resume is full of arts stuff and nobody, and I mean NOBODY that I have met in my job pursuit understands that I have a huge list of skills embedded in my job and life experiences, even when I met with them. I suspect something about me just says "artist." I suppose the reality is that I would have to put on my resume I CAN TYPE, I CAN DRIVE A CAR, I CAN SPEAK ENGLISH AND COMMUNICATE CLEARLY, I CAN ANSWER A PHONE . . . These past two years have been one big job dead end in the state with the highest unemployment rate. I will add that many people have said to me "things happen for a reason" and maybe being here taking care of my mother's needs was the real reason I never found a job. I needed to be available to her.

Now, I have done what I came to RI to do. . . take care of my mother as she went through and recovered from her lung cancer. She is now back in the running with a clean bill of health. So - I read this article on NYT about taking care of aging parents and how the burden should be shared after the crisis, and I am ready to share. My first step is telling my sisters and this will take courage as I override my weakenss of wanting to please others first. Whatever the case, it is time to try again to rebuild my life somewhere else. Over the next week or so I will tell them. Then, I will tell my mother. That will be hard too, but in a different way.

Time to move on!

More later.