The Doors of Wonderment

This afternoon I told my mother that I was moving back to Delaware, and gave her the basics. Was I surprised! She didn't even cry. I did. She said she knew 2 years ago that I might not be here permanently, and she definitely understood wanting to be near my kids. She thanked me for getting her through her cancer and other events and said she couldn't have done it without me. The doors of wonderment are opening . . .

An Interesting Week Ahead

Tomorrow I am going to see a Bankruptcy Lawyer for an evaluation. Then I have to find a way to tell my sister and my mother I am moving away -- back to Delaware. Then I have to ask my other sister to help me finance the move. This should be a fun and interesting week . . .

My Next Move

Well, I've spent a year applying to be a photo lab tech, a sub shop morning prep person, various administrative minions, and many other things. I have not been successful --- I think primarily because my resume is full of arts stuff and nobody, and I mean NOBODY that I have met in my job pursuit understands that I have a huge list of skills embedded in my job and life experiences, even when I met with them. I suspect something about me just says "artist." I suppose the reality is that I would have to put on my resume I CAN TYPE, I CAN DRIVE A CAR, I CAN SPEAK ENGLISH AND COMMUNICATE CLEARLY, I CAN ANSWER A PHONE . . . These past two years have been one big job dead end in the state with the highest unemployment rate. I will add that many people have said to me "things happen for a reason" and maybe being here taking care of my mother's needs was the real reason I never found a job. I needed to be available to her.

Now, I have done what I came to RI to do. . . take care of my mother as she went through and recovered from her lung cancer. She is now back in the running with a clean bill of health. So - I read this article on NYT about taking care of aging parents and how the burden should be shared after the crisis, and I am ready to share. My first step is telling my sisters and this will take courage as I override my weakenss of wanting to please others first. Whatever the case, it is time to try again to rebuild my life somewhere else. Over the next week or so I will tell them. Then, I will tell my mother. That will be hard too, but in a different way.

Time to move on!

More later.

Thoughts With Mittens

I was so cold last night I slep with mittens on . . . Since I'm not contributing to the well being of the pellet stove or oil heat I can't say anything. It is a penance for not having my own life. Tonight begins the realignment. Clean my room, rewrite my resume and hit the streets tomorrow looking for jobs again. Finish the design work for the UPS Store, and turn some attention back to making art. Thank you, Ariel, for the Irish mittens!

My Question To The Universe

I Will Not Panic and I Don't Need a Cupcake

So done with the PGMC gig. Mutually beneficial and a relief from being inside a culture I don't fit in, with no tools to get it done. Time for me to raise personal money, anyway!! Alas, also no more hours at the UPS Store except a few design hours here and there. Back to the center of the circle . . . I imagine my toe at the tip of that yellow brick that begins the journey on the yellow brick road. But wait, that leads to "there's no place like home." I'll have to think more about that . . . a lot more.

Here It Comes . . . The List

The list of shit that is happening today: My hours have been cut from the UPS Store. I heard the rumor that I will not be asked back in February to the contract fundraising job with the Providence Gay Men's Chorus (will resign before I am fired, damn it), BOTH Helen's wrists are broken, I do not have enough money in my bank account to cover the creditors automatic payments I've done so well with for the past 4 months, I melted my new glasses with nail polish remover trying to remove the rest of the color after I accidently sat a cotton ball full of nail polish remover next to them, my sister gave my hair a makeover that turned out to be a terrible reddish brown - with the new glasses (that WERE black) I looked like Velma from Scooby Doo. . . All of this is actually kind of funny when I read it. . . Maybe if I clean my room the universe will get back in order again?