My Next Move

Well, I've spent a year applying to be a photo lab tech, a sub shop morning prep person, various administrative minions, and many other things. I have not been successful --- I think primarily because my resume is full of arts stuff and nobody, and I mean NOBODY that I have met in my job pursuit understands that I have a huge list of skills embedded in my job and life experiences, even when I met with them. I suspect something about me just says "artist." I suppose the reality is that I would have to put on my resume I CAN TYPE, I CAN DRIVE A CAR, I CAN SPEAK ENGLISH AND COMMUNICATE CLEARLY, I CAN ANSWER A PHONE . . . These past two years have been one big job dead end in the state with the highest unemployment rate. I will add that many people have said to me "things happen for a reason" and maybe being here taking care of my mother's needs was the real reason I never found a job. I needed to be available to her.

Now, I have done what I came to RI to do. . . take care of my mother as she went through and recovered from her lung cancer. She is now back in the running with a clean bill of health. So - I read this article on NYT about taking care of aging parents and how the burden should be shared after the crisis, and I am ready to share. My first step is telling my sisters and this will take courage as I override my weakenss of wanting to please others first. Whatever the case, it is time to try again to rebuild my life somewhere else. Over the next week or so I will tell them. Then, I will tell my mother. That will be hard too, but in a different way.

Time to move on!

More later.

Thoughts With Mittens

I was so cold last night I slep with mittens on . . . Since I'm not contributing to the well being of the pellet stove or oil heat I can't say anything. It is a penance for not having my own life. Tonight begins the realignment. Clean my room, rewrite my resume and hit the streets tomorrow looking for jobs again. Finish the design work for the UPS Store, and turn some attention back to making art. Thank you, Ariel, for the Irish mittens!

My Question To The Universe

I Will Not Panic and I Don't Need a Cupcake

So done with the PGMC gig. Mutually beneficial and a relief from being inside a culture I don't fit in, with no tools to get it done. Time for me to raise personal money, anyway!! Alas, also no more hours at the UPS Store except a few design hours here and there. Back to the center of the circle . . . I imagine my toe at the tip of that yellow brick that begins the journey on the yellow brick road. But wait, that leads to "there's no place like home." I'll have to think more about that . . . a lot more.

Here It Comes . . . The List

The list of shit that is happening today: My hours have been cut from the UPS Store. I heard the rumor that I will not be asked back in February to the contract fundraising job with the Providence Gay Men's Chorus (will resign before I am fired, damn it), BOTH Helen's wrists are broken, I do not have enough money in my bank account to cover the creditors automatic payments I've done so well with for the past 4 months, I melted my new glasses with nail polish remover trying to remove the rest of the color after I accidently sat a cotton ball full of nail polish remover next to them, my sister gave my hair a makeover that turned out to be a terrible reddish brown - with the new glasses (that WERE black) I looked like Velma from Scooby Doo. . . All of this is actually kind of funny when I read it. . . Maybe if I clean my room the universe will get back in order again?

Geriartric Medical Events

Today, instead of going to work I had to take my mom for her every-6-months CT Scan. If I have to insist one more time that she actually USE the oxygen while she's walking, I will cry. She has a capital M for Martyr on the front of every outfit, and I am tired of it. She makes life harder by trying to conserve her oxygen, by not having her phone with her, by giving orders instead of asking . . . and a lot of other things no where near the realm of being caring or a nice person. I believe it is not only part of her, but part of getting old too. Mistaken thinking. . . I took her to the test because Helen (my sister's mother-in-law) fell today while unhooking Bailey's leash on the icy patio. No broken bones, just sprained wrists, it seems. A series of unfortunate events happens here A LOT. Christal was going to take mom to her medical event, but stayed home to nurse Helen - since she is actually a nurse, and I am not. I feel terrible, but I am at the point of seeking the boundaries: When is enough, enough? When is old, old? When is it time to call it quits if you want to, and why isn't there an accessible, legal way to do this? When your life is totally filled with Doctor's appointments and medical events, what is the point? Just a reminder: if and when I get to that point ( No -- before! ) I will climb a small mountain and tie myself to a tree.

I apologize for continuing to express my concern for my karmic bank account but I need to move on at some point! When? Am I just waiting to save the money, or is it more about the people now?? And what is the definition of Peace anyway??

Celebrating The Storm

It's New Year's Eve and the snow is piling up - ten inches and still falling. I took the time to get to the market yesterday to pick up my "I eat this once a year" food before I head back to the gym and salads next week. Easy Cheese, Triscuits and Wheat Thins with a side of Captain Morgan and Coke . . . it's my party! Life should be as easy as spray cheese . . . I will watch Rachel Maddow and groove on the possibilities of the new year ahead. Here's wishing you a serene closing to 2008. Wake up tomorrow in 2009 with a new glow of hope for things to come!

Cheers!