Ariel Comes To Visit For Mothers Day Weekend

I am actually kind of nervous about this. Dane is not coming because he has to work. Additionally, Ariel did tell me that Dane took the divorce and my leaving very hard . . .

Obama-Rama

I don't ususally write about politics, but I have to say that I am so proud of Obama and his campaign people for sitting quietly yesterday and just watching. I feel sorry for Hillary because she has made such a public fool of herself, talking like a high school cheerleader in a patriotic beauty pageant. She is dragging so much baggage with her from her husband's years as President. McCain just doesn't have enough synapses left and he has no public personna. Anyway, I am looking forward to change -- as so many of us are. I don't need to go back to the way things were in ther 1950s, but things did seem to be working alot better for everyone, and the country back then. We do know how to learn from history, don't we? God, I need a job so bad . . . and Obama is woking for and understanding people like me, and you! Plus, he has such a wonderful, smart wife who will make a glorious first lady!

I Have a Ten Pound Bear

Nutrisystem sent me a 10 pound celebration bear with my food this month. Hooray! As of today, 14 pounds gone. Wow. Focus on me still in progress. Not a word from RISD this week after my interview last week - but I did call Ms. Chronley on Friday and left a message. The waiting is very difficult. When I feel aggitated, I go for a walk. I guess I could serve Dunkin' Donuts coffee through a window as well as anyone else, but I don't want to!

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting

I am waiting to hear something - anything - from the folks at Rhode Island School of Design. My interview was Tuesday April 22. The waiting is killing me. So many jobs applied for - often you just hear NOTHING. Not even a postcard stating receipt of the resume. I've interviewed for several jobs and never even got a rejection. I think that is so wrong. I can understand not wanting to spend time responding to 300 applicants. However, when you are one of 5 or 6, I think a rejection letter is the right thing to do. LIKE I NEED TO COLLECT MORE REJECTION DOCUMENTS. . . I am going to call tomorrow to see what's going on. Anyway, I am grateful for what I have. A place to live, food to eat, people to care about, clothes to inherit, a dog to walk.

Wow.

I am on a rocket ship to mind/body/spirit rebuilding today!! I interviewed for a Painting Department Assistant position (also known as Command Central!) at Rhode Island School of Design this morning. Even if I am not offered the job it was a life dream come true for me. Since 4th grade, when I used to ride my bike to RISD Museum on Saturdays, say hello to the guards and just walk around and around in the galleries, I've wanted to work there. Outside Delaware my resume doesn't carry the "baggage" that nasty Delaware people attributed to me. Here, my resume glows. Wow. I am valuable. What I have done in the past is valuable. They were actually worried that I was over qualified and that I would not be challenged enough. Wow. No problem there. 150 undergrads bouncing through the office would be a fabulous challenge among all the other things that need getting done everyday. I felt like I really clicked with those who interviewed me, though they did much of the talking. They did ask me about my teaching experience, my diversity task force experience and my office skills and event management skills. Wow. I got a tour of some of the undergraduate studios, then the department's gallery spaces and offices. There is a window in my potential office! Hooray! I am so grateful. Now it's time for waiting and trusting the universe to do what is right for me and where I am in my rebuilding process. Wow.

Missing Companionship

This picture makes me think about how much I miss male companionship. (And cats!) For all the things I was pissed off about, there is an equal list of things that I love about men and miss in my life. So much of the toxic activity that took place between Bob and I stood as a barrier between us. We both knew there was a deeper "forever" love there, but I couldn't seem to get back to that place. I don't know about him. He hasn't talked to me or emailed or written since I left. All of our necessary correspondence has been with Ariel or Dane as a go-between. I am adjusting to this new life slowly, which is good. It is not a life fix by any means. It is a sanctuary where I can be - to rebuild myself. To date I have lost 10.5 pounds on Nutrisystem, started an exercise program, got my haircut in a more feminine style, and have 2 job interviews coming up!




moar funny pictures

An Update

Here's the update: I am still waiting for the third interview with WaterFire Providence. I am still living with my sister, (my mom's condo was sold) which is an emotionally toxic environment, but I have worked very hard to build relationships with everyone without the toxic spears getting through my "focus on self" forcefield . . . All the Eckhart Tolle reading I've been doing has done wonders for my ability to quiet all the negative chatter that was in my head all the time and understand that my identification with constant thoughts is so wrong. Ego thoughts can make me do crazy things. My friend Valerie has gifted me Nutrisystem and I have lost 5 pounds in the first week. I feel so much healthier already - though that may just be my enthusiasm talking. I started walking - just baby steps - but of course my sister outdoes me everytime by walking farther and eating what she thinks is healthier . . . but now I'm able to step back and let her ego do its thing. I am what I am in my heart and spirit and learning to do what I do on my own terms. I am surprised to discover how much like my mother she is in the world of being right and being "better than". I am seeing a counselor at the free clinic who is helping me get the focus back on me, to be gentle with myself after all I have been through, and learning to NOT work on pleasing others. It's been a long road just to get to the starting line . . . The last piece is money (and learning to face my horrible money issues) and a job, which is the tool I need to move forward. After all these years I was finally able to sit down and actually make a list of the things I want in life. That was very challenging. But I did it! I miss Ariel and Dane very much and talk to them every few days. Ariel is coming up to visit for Mothers Day weekend, and Dane said he might come with her. My goal is to have enough money for them to rent a truck to bring the rest of my stuff up here that Bob has packed up from the house, and send them back on the train. $1,000 for the one way truck, gas, one way train tickets and spending money. Money= Tool to move forward. Focus. Focus. Focus.