Book Festival Tomorrow!

I may venture out to the Book Festival in Dover tomorrow. There is so much hidden activity in Delaware; so many arts events and I feel like it's all happening without me. Disengaged once again. It has been a rough week working on my lesson plans (due and submitted today!) without any official feedback from the last training session. I put way more than 10 hours in on research and writing. I probably shouldn't have. I'm trying to find out if I need to submit a time sheet or do I get paid automatically for 10 hours each week no matter what our activity is. As messy as my desk always seems to be, I am a planner and a details person, and I'm wrestling with myself about the process of this project. For now, I'm just trying to "get over it and move on" as I once had a supervisor tell me. . . On the other hand, I had a blast in the children's section at the library, and reading through the three new books about kids and art that my amazing and generous daughter bought me for my birthday. I am also very excited about the classroom observtion Paulette is setting up for me. I can't wait to see little ones in action.

Personally, I am dreading the holidays and the sadness that is already overtaking me. I'm starting to cry during shows on the food channel about Thanksgiving . . . this is not a good sign. On the good news side, Judith Cizek (curator slashed from DAM in 2004) interviewed at U of DE for the Curator/Exhibition Designer position, and they are checking her references! I am one of them, and gosh, the entire universe knows she deserves to land this job. We've exchanged a lot of thoughts during the past 2 years, and she thinks I bounced back better than she did. . . I am just a lot better at counseling other people than counseling myself. I think I'm at the point where I just need to find another career, like cashiering at a gas station. I can't obliterate the sadness.

Lessons and More Lessons

Spent the day working on lesson plans for the PNC Grant at CCAC. Ten lesson plans due on November 3. The 4 that I've done may be too extensive, so my goal is to do 2 of the remaining 6 on a more superficial level. After all, how much can a 4-year old do in 20 minutes?? Some of them are 4-6 session lessons, so I'll be offering a wide range of experiences to the teachers. I sent 2 to Kim for feedback, but discovered today that she is in Ghana. I knew she was going, but I didn't know the dates. (communication, communication, communication) So, I won't get feedback, or a sample lesson plan from last year's project. Why do I feel like I'm expecting too much? Um, because I probably am. I have a tendecy to overwork, being the workaholic that I am. As a good friend pointed out to me, my perception of things is different from that of a lot of other people . . . That's certainly something to consider working on, isn't it?!

Hopefully, I have a classroom observation coming up next week, which I believe will help. I would like to ask for some sample lesson plans from the teachers, but I'm not sure if that is invasive or feeling more like a policing thing. Will take it slow. Got my first paycheck from CCAC today which is lovely, but not enough. . . Are there more lessons in this for me than there are for the pre-school teachers? Hmmmm . . .

Did I mention that I believe in Santa, Fairy God Mothers and winning the power ball?

What Do Our Elected Officials Think About the Arts?

As you head for the polls, consider where your elected officials stand on support for the arts. Do they believe that all students need the arts as part of well rounded education? Do they understand that the arts are a vital part of an active community and commerce? Find out! Take a look at the CONGRESSIONAL REPORT CARD IN THE ARTS The Americans for the Arts Action Fund PAC issued a Congressional Arts Report Card saying 41 House Members received the highest possible grade (A+), a 24% increase over the 2004 Report Card.
http://biz.yahoo.com/prnews/061023/clm517.html?.v=44

Health Insurance Hell

I WANT A REAL FULL TIME JOB WITH BENEFITS AND I WANT IT NOW! SCREW THE ISSUE OF MY NOT HAVING A DEGRE - I HAVE MORE EXPERIENCE AND SAVVY THAN 6 CHEAP-SALARY RECENT GRAD 20 SOMETHINGS AND I COULD BURN THE DELAWARE ART MUSEUM BOARD OF DIRECTORS' BUTTS IN A HEARTBEAT AS I STAND AT THE GATES OF HELL WELCOMING THEM. Do you know what it's like to be hacked from the job you've been on a path for a lifetime to acheive?? My life hasn't been the same since 2004, on many levels, and I've done an ace job at dealing with it for two years, and now I'm getting ready to live under the railroad bridge downtown Wilmington because of the DAM board's reactive decision and the work of a sewer harpie who had physical ties to the queen of all board members from hell who granted said sewer harpie's wish to get rid of everyone who was smarter than her. (Note: she and her minions are now gone from DAM - someone at the top figured out what the dripping blood from her evil mouth was about.)

I've been trying to hold off on this one, as it lives in me as a tirade full of nasty words . . . but I'm approaching the danger zone. I had health insurance at DCCA from December 1 of last year until October 8th. During this time I was able to get my arthritis diagnosis nailed down, and found a pain medication combination that could get me through each day. Love thos Ibuprofen Horse Pills. Tramadol (generic version, of course) is often for sports injuries, but it worked nicely for me. So, just when all was under control and the blood tests and xrays and bone scans were over, and I was able to walk, stand and sit with the rest of the world, I'm back on the street. No meds. I tried to get a three-month refill but that was a disaster. Thanks to Blue Cross and Walgreens not speaking to each other about what they actuall cover. Arrrggghhhh. Thank God for the kind folks at Claymonth Health Clinic. They will see me and try to fix me up. They only see people without health insurance, and try to match the meds I am on with what they have on hand. If they can't, it would be the full price option prescription, which I can't do . . . Maybe it's time to read that book When Bad Things Happen to Good People.

Second String

Applied yesterday at Village Green for a temp holiday decorating program associate staff gig. Too late. Already hired what he needs, but will put me in the pool of second string in case the first string develops a gap. There's some holiday irony for you - being in the second string of holiday lights . . . ! My bad - as it took me two weeks to decide to apply. Perhaps I was internally full of angst about possibly having to lift a 50 pound box of glass ornaments . . . anyway, onward and upward.

Looking ahead, this could be the most dismal and depressing holday season our family has ever had. I feel like the little match girl on a Dickensian corner.

The Next Step

Just about ready to take that next step away from the crossroads I've been stuck at, taking stock in the future of my career and family. I decided to go ahead and apply for 2 positions: Deputy Director of Education at the Baltimore Museum of Art, and the Executive Director at the Kalmar Nyckel Foundation. In a way, I feel like this is my last attempt to acquire another permanent full time with benefits job in the arts. This makes me sad, and my heart is aching for the way things are these days. At 48, I am aging out of the arts job market quickly. And withoug an advanced degree, I can barely compete with young graduates who know nothing but will work for a salary in the low 20s to get their foot into the field. Then there is the War. Lack of good, long term blue collar jobs, not enough money to feed and house families, women having babies for the wrong reasons . . . the fabric of society is just about torn apart. Who needs the arts any more when there is so much else to occupy daily survival? Yet, the people who do make the arts part of their lives are so much, well, nicer and smarter people. The financial barriers to making the arts part of daily life are astounding to me. The cost of a ticket to the theatre, dance lessons for kids, admission to a concert . . . it is indeed a certain segment that can afford it. I am no longer one of them, which is very sad. However, I predict a turn around coming: one of the only ways to attract a wider audience these days - make it free. Baltimore Museum of Art just made admission free after many years. The Delaware Art Museum was a more active honest place when admission was free. But unless funders fall in line with the concept of arts for as many people as possible, free doesn't seem viable. More on funding another time.

In the meantime, I am applying for a seasonal temporary position with a holiday decorating company. It will probably pay $8 an hour, but we need the money to prevent crash and burn. I can't help but keep coming back to the fact that being hacked from the staff at the Delaware Art Museum in 2004 is the cause of my feeling paralyzed and worthless. It changed my life drastically, at all levels. God, life can be ugly. Maybe all the sparkling lights will help me rise above the sadness.

A Wish

I wish I was a millionaire so I could make sizeable contributions to arts organizations' general operating funds. There is so much need. CCAC's building is a good example. It is such an active place, and so used. It is obvious they don't have funding to keep it up: painted, cleaned, etc. The arts environment is so important. Along with this is the quality of materials used in education programs. It is so sad to see an arts organization not be able to use color in their materials, or to have to scrimp on something that is core to what you do. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I do suspect I will not be reimbursed for the color copies I made for my teacher training last week. I will submit my receipts and ask for half reimbursement, and see what happens. We meet tomorrow to do the debriefing of the two-day training, and plan for the next one in November. Hope to hear about some mentoring dates too.