I Miss Nemo

It's hard to believe it has been three years since Nemo left us peacefully in his sleep. Maybe it is only two. I really miss having a dog in the house. The unconditional love and loyalty. The hug-ability. I am thinking about getting another dog, perhaps a little one that would be easy to snuggle with. Thinking about affording it. My goodness it astounds me how much money is a tool for living everyday life.

Time has taken on a weirdness to it recently. Having been inside the house for most of the time between December 7th and now, my connections with the outside world, people, places and time have faded. It scares me, and makes me think that I need to get up, out and moving towards something soon. Anything!

I will have to think about this, however, since I have just qualified for medicaid, food stamps and unemployment. This doesn't seem like much of an accomplishment until you take a measurement of the red tape it took to qualify. It makes me lean towards understanding why people want to stay in the system, and not look for a minimum wage job that would disqualify you from holding on to these benefits. Yikes. Listen to me. Yikes.

I Need a Financial Miracle

I know God doesn't deal in used cars, new shoes that are the right size, plumbing, employment or bottomless coffee jars. And I know he isn't a bank. However, I need just one moment indicating financial recovery. My tax refund doesn't count. I shouldn't apologize for this, but I do believe in miracles.

What Now What Now What Now

So, do I need a permit to sell stuff on the streets of Wilmington? I have too many paintings hanging around, and would love to sell them off for about $25 each. I don't have enough pencils to sell, believe it or not. I can't afford a website domain or the cost of online credit card processing to sell paintings, and I doubt very much if that could be successful these days. Some kind of catchy name that says Art for $25 --- ??? I suppose I could do paypal when I finally get a domain. Money Stinks. I have spent so many years trying to make friends with it. I don't have a job, I haven't yet been approved for unemployment, job prospects are so weird. I'm not a nurse or a truck driver, so it is looking like a long, hard run. I am still so very angry at the Inn at Wilmington for terminating me for having hip surgery. I just don't understand how cruel people can be. I probably never will understand that. The good news is that my hip is recovering nicely and I am almost walking without a cane. Onward and upward.

Bye Mom

My mother passed away yesterday 12/20/09 at 7pm at Christal's home in Cumberland, RI. She declined very quickly and my sister knew the end was coming. Hospice was there with her every step of the way. My other sister, Tracy, and I were there by phone on and off during these past few days. Christal and her family were with her at the end. Thank God. It was exactly what mom wanted. She will be cremated and divided between the three of us. I spent some time today looking at urns. I am planning to go up to RI for the memorial mass at St. Ambose in mid to late January.

This past week Bob, Ariel, Dane and Jackie (family friend) have been working on a song for my mom - an ancient Welsh lullaby. Rather than mail it on a CD as originally planned, I emailed it to my sister to play for mom off her laptop. It is all a part of this past spiritual, snowy, sad, beautiful weekend . . .

http://turtleandfrog.com/lamplighters/ATTN1.MP3

Gross Picture / Stupid Award / Hip Replacement Recovery

Okay, I have to confess that on Tuesday I did the most stupid thing a human can do with dry ice. It came in a cooler in a Christmas present of fabulous food for Christmas dinner. I have been requiring huge amounts of ice for the ice packs on my hip, so using the dry ice seemed like a good idea, wrapped well. Well . . . We thought it was wrapped well. Several minutes after the pack was on my thigh, the numbness seemed to be greater than normal ice numbness. When I removed the pack I had a patch of frostbite with the skin so hard you could knock on it like wood. All the feeling was gone, and my skin was as white as snow. Bob ran back and forth from the bathroom with warm towels and the white skin warmed up in about 10 minutes. I was left with an oval of very red skin that was numb, but felt like cactus needles around the edges. Big ouchies.

Within an hour my skin was starting to blister. I called the nurse on call and she told me to call the Dr. in the morning if there were any changes. And there were changes. The small blisters were now one BIG blister. I got an appointment for Thursday afternoon. By then it was the size of a baseball. Disgusting, freaky and filled with yellow who knows what. He said to just let it be, and that it would begin to leak on its own. A natural part of the healing process. . . Gross. Nasty. Something from a horror movie!!!

So, Friday night I took a picture of it. Today, it has begun to leak. Thank God for industrail medical bandaging. I will change the dressing later tonight after I summon up the courage to look at it again. I feel better because the pressure has subsided and my leg doesn't feel as tight as it did. It certainly as been a hurdle in my recovery.

So, yes, I have received the award for the stupidest thing to do during hip replacement recovery. Stay tuned.

Random Thoughts

There were no trick or treaters at the hotel on Halloween night.
I dream of resucing a fluffy little lap dog who needs a home.
I am about to schedule my hip replacement surgery and I am scared.
Six weeks after my hip surgery I will have knee replacement surgery.
On payday I will send all my creditors $5.00.
Last night I watched "Grapes of Wrath" for the 25th time. It still makes me cry.
I have no gold to cash in.
Today I will finish reading THE RED TENT by Anita Diamant.
Fall has usually been a bad time of year for me emotionally, but this year so far so good.
Fall is my favorite season of the year.
Today I have $2.34 in my checking account.
I wish I had room for my rocking chair in my bedroom.
I am grateful for everything that I have today, and at this moment.
I wish I lived closer to my sisters and their families.
My mother is being moved from the nursing home to my sister's house to die there.
I am trying to working on making art more often. I would like to sell my art but can't decide how to begin doing that.
I am so proud of my two children that I cry with love when I think about them.


Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them. --- Albert Einstein

Enough Slacking

I should have been writing all this time . . . so much I should've written about and now it's all pent up inside the merury retrograde mess that is happening now. Jeeeeezzz. And I missed talk like a pirate day on September 19th too. Stay tuned for many new posts.