Bye Mom

My mother passed away yesterday 12/20/09 at 7pm at Christal's home in Cumberland, RI. She declined very quickly and my sister knew the end was coming. Hospice was there with her every step of the way. My other sister, Tracy, and I were there by phone on and off during these past few days. Christal and her family were with her at the end. Thank God. It was exactly what mom wanted. She will be cremated and divided between the three of us. I spent some time today looking at urns. I am planning to go up to RI for the memorial mass at St. Ambose in mid to late January.

This past week Bob, Ariel, Dane and Jackie (family friend) have been working on a song for my mom - an ancient Welsh lullaby. Rather than mail it on a CD as originally planned, I emailed it to my sister to play for mom off her laptop. It is all a part of this past spiritual, snowy, sad, beautiful weekend . . .

http://turtleandfrog.com/lamplighters/ATTN1.MP3

Gross Picture / Stupid Award / Hip Replacement Recovery

Okay, I have to confess that on Tuesday I did the most stupid thing a human can do with dry ice. It came in a cooler in a Christmas present of fabulous food for Christmas dinner. I have been requiring huge amounts of ice for the ice packs on my hip, so using the dry ice seemed like a good idea, wrapped well. Well . . . We thought it was wrapped well. Several minutes after the pack was on my thigh, the numbness seemed to be greater than normal ice numbness. When I removed the pack I had a patch of frostbite with the skin so hard you could knock on it like wood. All the feeling was gone, and my skin was as white as snow. Bob ran back and forth from the bathroom with warm towels and the white skin warmed up in about 10 minutes. I was left with an oval of very red skin that was numb, but felt like cactus needles around the edges. Big ouchies.

Within an hour my skin was starting to blister. I called the nurse on call and she told me to call the Dr. in the morning if there were any changes. And there were changes. The small blisters were now one BIG blister. I got an appointment for Thursday afternoon. By then it was the size of a baseball. Disgusting, freaky and filled with yellow who knows what. He said to just let it be, and that it would begin to leak on its own. A natural part of the healing process. . . Gross. Nasty. Something from a horror movie!!!

So, Friday night I took a picture of it. Today, it has begun to leak. Thank God for industrail medical bandaging. I will change the dressing later tonight after I summon up the courage to look at it again. I feel better because the pressure has subsided and my leg doesn't feel as tight as it did. It certainly as been a hurdle in my recovery.

So, yes, I have received the award for the stupidest thing to do during hip replacement recovery. Stay tuned.

Random Thoughts

There were no trick or treaters at the hotel on Halloween night.
I dream of resucing a fluffy little lap dog who needs a home.
I am about to schedule my hip replacement surgery and I am scared.
Six weeks after my hip surgery I will have knee replacement surgery.
On payday I will send all my creditors $5.00.
Last night I watched "Grapes of Wrath" for the 25th time. It still makes me cry.
I have no gold to cash in.
Today I will finish reading THE RED TENT by Anita Diamant.
Fall has usually been a bad time of year for me emotionally, but this year so far so good.
Fall is my favorite season of the year.
Today I have $2.34 in my checking account.
I wish I had room for my rocking chair in my bedroom.
I am grateful for everything that I have today, and at this moment.
I wish I lived closer to my sisters and their families.
My mother is being moved from the nursing home to my sister's house to die there.
I am trying to working on making art more often. I would like to sell my art but can't decide how to begin doing that.
I am so proud of my two children that I cry with love when I think about them.


Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them. --- Albert Einstein

Enough Slacking

I should have been writing all this time . . . so much I should've written about and now it's all pent up inside the merury retrograde mess that is happening now. Jeeeeezzz. And I missed talk like a pirate day on September 19th too. Stay tuned for many new posts.

Adult Orphans Club

My friend Liz shared this bit of reality with my, that she got from a rabbi. This is indeed what happens when both parents die. My mom is so sick right now she can hardly breathe as we talk on the phone. My sister and husband and 2 children from Virginia will be visiting her this weekend. Mom will be having a PET scan when the hospital can schedule her in. This will reveal scar tissue, fluid in her lungs or another cancer tumor. Time will tell.

Ariel and Dane are helping me move to my new space in Arden on Sunday - Mother's Day! I will take them for lunch after that - or drinks. Yay for kids!

Got my car fixed!

Finally, got it fixed. I couldn't drive another day with the sound of fury and horror coming from the muffler system. As it turned out, with the grace of the car gods, it only needed a flexible connector thing - not a whole muffler! I love this miracle car. And now I cruise through my new neighborhood quietly. Yay for Meineke Men!

What is it like?

What is it like to not have a mother anymore? My mother is in the hospital again, this time with a heart problem. Sitting outside tonight looking up at the stars makes me extra thoughtful. I wonder if a star disappers from the sky when someone dies? What does it feel like to be without a mother? All of a sudden my origins would be gone - since my father died many years ago. I would be on my own. The heartstring that connects us would be broken. I am the next generation to die after mother dies. My mortality is standing right in front of me. I am thankful that I still have two sisters, and two children. Perhaps I will find a companion to share the rest of my life with.

I am in a progress mode. I have a to-do list everyday, and I get things done. I have a new job. I have a new checking account. I found a place to live in Arden ( http://arden.delaware.gov/ ) that I will be moving to next month. I fixed the disengaged rear view mirror in my car. I finally feel like I can do things with joy. I will have relationships again. People around me to share life with. I am useful and able at my job. I am truly grateful for that, and everything that I have right now. Everything.

Maybe the universe is settling me in to prepare me for my mother's death. I will be grounded and able to process it.