Random Thoughts

There were no trick or treaters at the hotel on Halloween night.
I dream of resucing a fluffy little lap dog who needs a home.
I am about to schedule my hip replacement surgery and I am scared.
Six weeks after my hip surgery I will have knee replacement surgery.
On payday I will send all my creditors $5.00.
Last night I watched "Grapes of Wrath" for the 25th time. It still makes me cry.
I have no gold to cash in.
Today I will finish reading THE RED TENT by Anita Diamant.
Fall has usually been a bad time of year for me emotionally, but this year so far so good.
Fall is my favorite season of the year.
Today I have $2.34 in my checking account.
I wish I had room for my rocking chair in my bedroom.
I am grateful for everything that I have today, and at this moment.
I wish I lived closer to my sisters and their families.
My mother is being moved from the nursing home to my sister's house to die there.
I am trying to working on making art more often. I would like to sell my art but can't decide how to begin doing that.
I am so proud of my two children that I cry with love when I think about them.


Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them. --- Albert Einstein

Enough Slacking

I should have been writing all this time . . . so much I should've written about and now it's all pent up inside the merury retrograde mess that is happening now. Jeeeeezzz. And I missed talk like a pirate day on September 19th too. Stay tuned for many new posts.

Adult Orphans Club

My friend Liz shared this bit of reality with my, that she got from a rabbi. This is indeed what happens when both parents die. My mom is so sick right now she can hardly breathe as we talk on the phone. My sister and husband and 2 children from Virginia will be visiting her this weekend. Mom will be having a PET scan when the hospital can schedule her in. This will reveal scar tissue, fluid in her lungs or another cancer tumor. Time will tell.

Ariel and Dane are helping me move to my new space in Arden on Sunday - Mother's Day! I will take them for lunch after that - or drinks. Yay for kids!

Got my car fixed!

Finally, got it fixed. I couldn't drive another day with the sound of fury and horror coming from the muffler system. As it turned out, with the grace of the car gods, it only needed a flexible connector thing - not a whole muffler! I love this miracle car. And now I cruise through my new neighborhood quietly. Yay for Meineke Men!

What is it like?

What is it like to not have a mother anymore? My mother is in the hospital again, this time with a heart problem. Sitting outside tonight looking up at the stars makes me extra thoughtful. I wonder if a star disappers from the sky when someone dies? What does it feel like to be without a mother? All of a sudden my origins would be gone - since my father died many years ago. I would be on my own. The heartstring that connects us would be broken. I am the next generation to die after mother dies. My mortality is standing right in front of me. I am thankful that I still have two sisters, and two children. Perhaps I will find a companion to share the rest of my life with.

I am in a progress mode. I have a to-do list everyday, and I get things done. I have a new job. I have a new checking account. I found a place to live in Arden ( http://arden.delaware.gov/ ) that I will be moving to next month. I fixed the disengaged rear view mirror in my car. I finally feel like I can do things with joy. I will have relationships again. People around me to share life with. I am useful and able at my job. I am truly grateful for that, and everything that I have right now. Everything.

Maybe the universe is settling me in to prepare me for my mother's death. I will be grounded and able to process it.

Today - The Possibilities!

I have a job. A real job. Not a non-profit job. It took me a long, long time to think about a change of career from arts administration to something. I have applied for hundreds of jobs over the past two years, and nothing. Networking, job fairs and all the things one is supposed to do resulted in nothing. I came back to Delaware to be near my kids. Family, love, important things in life. Then, an opening occured at the hotel that my son works at. . . I did the online application and got an interview in just a few days. Several days after that, I was offered the job. The key was in my own backyard.

Outside this morning with my coffee, for a few moments, I had a feeling I used to get as a kid . . . early morning, spring, Saturday, stepping out the back door with all the world in front of me to explore. Play clothes, clean white socks, new Red Ball Jets on my feet . . . no fear, just innocent wonder. Crisp cool air, blue sky, wispy clouds, birds everywhere, fifty cents in my pocket for the ice cream man later in the day. Off to find friends playing in my neighborhood. An extraordinary feeling of energy, protection, goodness, love and possibilities.

All I can say is "Thank you."

Landed Again

Have been back in Delaware for 10 days, and it seems like only a few. I have landed at my friend Valerie's home - she is an angel on earth. I've discovered several since I've been here. . .

Between applying for jobs, I have been reconnecting with my kids. This is the biggest joy I've felt in a long time, and my heart feels like it can love again. It's been a long and winding road over the past two years, and I have to believe my time to settle in and have a life has come. I have simplified my belongings once again and ready for all the good things to flow. I will know in a few days about a promising job. Not a lot of money, and not very challenging, but a steady paycheck and incentive for benefits if all goes well. I think the hospitality industry might be a great career move for me. We'll see.

I stopped to get coffee and a bagel yesterday morning and the person in front of me paid for my breakfast! The person in front of him paid for his. He was paying it forward. . . I looked behind me and this woman had a mountain of grocery type stuff. I felt sad for a moment that I couldn't pay for hers. However, I stopped to thank the universe for this unexpected gift! I felt worthy of something wonderful.