New Doors Opening

It is early January, 2008 and the past year has been one of the most challenging times of my life. I spent a year taking care of my mom who went through cancer treatments and then a broken hip. I left my home, quit my teaching job and lived with her to provide daily care. It was a hard decision, yet I knew it was the right thing to do, and I also knew there would be life-changing consequences that I believed I could conquer as they occured. During her illness I painted for the first time in a long, long time. I painted in the middle of the night - part of my brain concentrated on the art, the other part constantly aware of mom sleeping, waking, getting sick and needing me by her side. Mom is back on her feet and my sister is on duty for the time being. Now, I am starting life over again. Seeking a new job, divorced, turned 50, needing a place to live, need an income. What life challenges were presented to me this year! So, 2008 is a new beginning in so many ways. I welcome the friendship and support the eons.com community is providing.. Thanks, for giving me this safe haven to explore. Peace.

The Warmly Lit Window in the Woods

I was on the back porch looking into the woods and I saw a warmly lit window. As I got closer the cottage looked like a memory I'd had once. The door opened and I was welcomed by a man and a woman - english gardener grandparents. The table was set for a pot roast dinner finishing up on the hearth. After pecan pie, I was tucked into a plump bed in a niche by the fireplace. This quilt-soaked feather bed was mine whenever I needed it. I fell asleep to the glow of the fire, music from the phonograph and the lingering scent of cinnamon.

So, that's where my heart is these days when I sit on th porch in the dark trying to make sense of my higher power and the lessons I am supposed to absorb. I want sanctuary so much. Only for a short time. Only long enough to snap out of this fear of my first step into another era of my life. I know the snap is coming soon. I don't feel prepared. My nerve endings remind me that I am so ridiculously grounded in a lack of resources that I am paralyzing myself and should be paying attention for signs of hope and abundance and be grateful at all times. Easy for YOU to say. . . So I should stop looking into the warmly lit windows, perhaps, and head for the open doors.

When Life Gives You A Kick

Don't pray for fewer problems; pray for more skills. Don't ask forsmaller challenges; ask for greater wisdom. Don't look for an easy wayout; look for the best possible outcome.When life gives you a kick, let it kick you forward.

From: YOUR LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEM, a free newslettersharing life, love and laughter, published by Steve Goodier.http://www.lifesupportsystem.com/

Ready To Make Sense of Things

It's been a long while since I've posted here. So many events and challenges. I will take the next few days to fill in the lost months. They have been filled with taking care of my mom in Rhode Island. Lots to explore. Stay tuned.

Now I Know . . .

My heart is broken . . . I've been struggling with why I am here taking care of my mother during her lung cancer treatments. Ours has been a difficult life together and has been so for the past 6 weeks. I have been doing the driving to radiation everyday, to chemo on Tuesdays, following her around every market in town, browsing through WalMart, Target and a thousand other places as she tries to maintain her normal life. I have also been cleaning, taking out the trash, organizing her calendar, phone numbers, papers, and making her meals. At night I take it into her room on a tray where she is in her chair in her pajamas and robe watching the news, Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy and then American Idol or other "feature" of the evening. Tonight, when I took her dinner in to her, I had a moment of humanity. My anger for her suddenly disappeared as she looked up at me and smiled genuinely and said thank you. It wasn't any different than other nights except that this time I didn't see my beastly mother, but a frail, tired, helpless person who needed me. It broke my heart and I can't stop crying. It is a deep ache - for her, and the fragility of us all. I have been asking God to show me why I am the daughter who is here. Now I know.

Serious Fun: TrueMajority.org

Serious Fun: TrueMajority.org
Watch the video - note the part about Head Start funding!

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