A Christmas Miracle

Well, Christmas day was flawless with no tiffs, nothing broken, no gift disappointments, no political arguments . . . the food was plentiful and delicious, lots of sentimental background music, etc. Thank you to fate, karma, God, destiny and anyone else who had anything to do with making the day a smooth one.

We did have a Christmas miracle. For months, the oven hasn't been working properly, never reaching temperature and shutting itself off. On Thursday we called an appliance repair person in. Bob had already taken it apart (wall gas oven installed in the 70s) and the repair guy poked around and said it was the igniter and it wasn't worth replacing in this old oven. He charged us $70 and wished us Happy Holidays. Bob put it back together and turned it on. In five minutes it reached 400 degrees - so I quickly whipped up a batch of cookies and they baked beautifully. Since then, the oven has continued to work as it has never worked before. A Christmas Miracle. Apparently miracles aren't free anymore, but $70 was absolutely worth it!

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

Back on track for the holiday thing. The house now looks like Woolworth's Christmas Department, as it does each year. The shortbread is baked, the jumble cookies are done, the house is clean (thanks, Bob and Ariel!), the dog is groomed, the greens are entwined, the credit card is maxed out and the scented candles are lit . . .

I'm going to interview in Birmingham in the first week of January. Yaaa Hooo! Sabbatical, here I come.

Christmas Paradigm Shift

I have been thinking about writing letters this Christmas to the people in my family whom I can't afford to give commercial presents to. Not the creepy family update kind, but the "I'm happy you are in my circle of life" kind. Memories, thoughts, hopes and such. I'll probably continue to give away my art work too. It's all I have to give at this point.

From the bottom of my twisted, aching little heart I know I need a life change of some kind very soon. I know it is coming . . . and I want to think that I will see the shooting star across the sky telling me I'm still connected to the positive flow. That the change will be a healing and prosperous one. Don't we all hope we'll recognize "the sign" or "the message" when it presents itself . . . However, my walk through the fire tells me it can't possibly be that easy for me. I need to rise up, make different choices, re-visit my "poverty thinking" as VT said and take on the challenge of the journey.

Right . . . I'll get back to you on this.

Walking Through the Fire

Okay, here's the list: the front of the dryer fell off, the telephone is dying, verizon stopped working altogether which caused 3 days of no e-mail, (bill is paid, 4 days of phone tech support didn't resolve it), we had to switch to Comcast, the vcr won't play my favorite Christmas movie, I had to charge personal hygeine products on my credit card, my contract job at CCAC is in schedule nightmare mode with unprepped teachers, Dane's paycheck is in Louisiana instead of Wilmington (no direct deposit available) and Bob just wrote $700 worth of checks against it, I am an inch shorter than I was last year, and the beat goes on . . . I can feel the flames getting higher. I'm walking with my shoes melted and the end of the fire isn't in sight yet. I used to be a member of the haves. What the hell . . . ? Yes, it is time to keep walking.

Truth?

As you know, I have been struggling over the state of affairs within the household . . and thinking of my new job opportunities as a way out. Thinking that I can't deal with Bob's depression anothr day. But things happen. Yesterday, Ariel was so sick with a fever and stomach issues - probably a reaction to the eye drops at the Dr.'s office. There I was, worried and taking care of her, being Mom. No one else was there to deliver cool washcloths, crackers, ginger ale and backrubs. A most important job opportunity. I have been struggling with this whole life mess, wanting to go away. I've done it before, and it was the wrong thing to do. The kids were still young and needed me. I know Bob doesn't, but my children are my children, no matter how old they are. What if I hadn't been here?

Then the following daily horoscope appeared . . . and of course made me ask if my pursuit of a career job in another state is really how I want to "present myself to the world." At the core: the everyday actions (my segregation from family/household/Bob). The truth: my part as Mom/caring person in the household needs to be as important as my carer pursuit. Maybe it's not time to move away. . . maybe I'm no closer to knowing what I should be doing . . . maybe the daily horoscope is just confusing me. It said "Your most intimate partner and your most feared enemy can both be an honest reflection of who you are. This may not concern any single specific issue, but could rather be about how you present yourself to the outer world through your everyday actions. Be as open to the truth as you can, for the clarity you gain can be crucial to what you do next." So, who is it that will deliver the truth? My kids? A job recruiter? A fortune cookie?

Ohhhh, Christmas!

I am in limbo, purgatory, middle of the road weirdness. I know Christmas is coming and I've watched my favorite movie twice already, but I'm just not feeling it. We may not get a Christmas Tree this year, since we won't have presents to put under it. If I had a full-time job and spent the day interacting with people, I think I'd feel differently. I'm not sure going into preschool classrooms next week (if it happens) is going to do it for me either, but at least I'll be out in the world. I think I set a new record spending three consecutive days in my pajamas researching preschool art on the web with Turner Classic Movies in the background. Bob has been vaccuming for 4 days now . . . my mother is visiting December 26 and staying until January 3. My studio needs cleaning. Need to look deeper inside, or outward, for some motivation to stay engaged with daily life.

Turning Tides?

Maybe the tides are finally turning! I got a call yesterday from the recruiter for the position at Peabody Essex Museum . . . Praise the arts Gods! I think it went very well for a preliminary screening phone call. We had some connections - she used to live in Providence! This is the museum whose Director of Education left for the San Diego Museum of Art, where Maxine Gaiber left as Director of Education to be Executive Director of the DCCA. I just finished working with Maxine. So, to complete this circle, I should be hired for this position. Indeed. Can we all agree on this? Please?

P.S. Mentoring did NOT begin this week due to a complication in site schedules.